Monday, 6 May 2013

TWILIGHT






“Our lives can't be measured by our final years, of this I am sure.”
Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

“In my old age, I was at last being permitted to make the discovery that lovemaking gets better and better with time, if it's with someone you care for.”
Patricia Nell Warren

“In later life most good things happen very slowly; only bad things tend to happen fast.”
Mark Edmundson
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  “Arun calling…” as soon as my phone rang, displaying this message, breath filled my heart once again! It has been 8 long years since my son, Arun left to US, and 6 weeks since he called me. As I informed my wife about the call, she was excited like a small child and tried to snatch the phone away from me. But I didn’t let her. Why would I!! I wanted to hear his voice first!

  “Dad” his voice was stern!

“Hello beta” as I spoke, my eyes filled with tears of happiness. Those tears formed a screen and on it was his face and nothing else. May be he is the only one whom I love so much in the world!

  “Dad, actually I saw you and mom dancing in that TV show. It was so embarrassing when my friends me called and mentioned about it. In this age, why would you do such things, if not to embarrass me! ”

  “But Arun….” Tears rolled down, taking away the sight of my son, but giving me a clear view of my wife, who was standing there, as excited as a small child. That was the moment when I made some important decisions of my life!  “… I understand, but don’t say all these things to maa. She’s too delicate to handle that” I said with a choked voice and handed over the phone to her.

  When do we actually get to live our lives? Childhood gets washed away, either finding the “x” in the algebra or remembering the date of birth of some random guy in history! Teenage is guarded heavily by the parents out of a fear that we may get mis leaded. As we enter the middle age, duties and responsibilities of children and family overshadows the million dollar dreams that we have worked for, in the young age! Finally, when we become free of all the duties, we aren’t still free of the shackles of the orthodox society, even in the twilight of our life!

  Last month was a shocker! I had been facing the usual slaps of life, but that was the biggest! A med test result showed that I have lung cancer and as irony enjoys it’s dominance, I have never had a smoke in my life! That was the moment when I decided that I’ll live the rest of my life (may be a month or a two) to the fullest and no one would be stopping me this time! Well, that didn’t include having a booze or smoking a pot, but I just wanted to give away all the love I was left with, to her!

  We fell in love in our first date and the only thing she wished for, is a dance. I was a kind of introvert and was too shy in dancing in a public place! First thing I wanted to do, before it’s too late, is to fulfil her first wish. But didn’t expect that it will lead to the embarrassment to my son! Who did it actually?? Living a dream turned into a mere shame! Is it the orthodox society? Or the orthodox minds? Whatever it is, I don’t care anymore. I am happy that her eyes smiled, for the first time. We always were with each other, for the entire “play” called life. My role was going to finish. All I was left with was a responsibility. One last responsibility to just make sure that the ‘role’ being played by my wife lives long and doesn’t face any difficulties on stage. And after that phone call, I did leave her in an old age home, told her the truth and left, while she laid crying in the arms of the nun. Not that I don’t want to trouble my two sons and a daughter with the burden of hers. It’s just that I don’t want the twilight of her life being crushed amidst the metro lives and plastic love of my children.

  There laid the last meaningful moments of my life, at the counter of the Old Age home! I joined my bank account with theirs and just asked them one thing- to give my wife one rose and many smiles every day!  That was the last journey of me in the blooming twilight of my life, before I entered the darkness, but with a pride!

~Some Pages in the diary of an old man

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