ONE LAST TIME.......

“Breaking up is part of life, but we shouldn't let it control it.”
                                             ~Barbara Willington.

Love only lasts as long as you let it. It is a state of mind and a state of being. If you don't have it, break up.
                                          ~Jerry Towers

Moving on after a break up is a great way to get back on your feet and start feeling happy again.
                                           ~Thomas Shields

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NOW:

…..

“Its over Ravi, nothing’s left between us after all that had happened.”

“But Sharu, I was restricted, nothing was intentional! I love you and how can I prove it?”

“It’s not a science to prove, Ravi. It has to be felt and I’ve lost all my feelings on you.”

“Why the hell are you behaving like this? What have I done now?”

“It’s not about now. It’s about every single time! You don’t really care about me. You call only when you want to meet me. All you want is ‘me’ and not my heart. Am I looking like a pr****** to you? ”

“Yeah!” I replied in frustration and that was the end of the call!

Call duration: 57 minutes.

I regret what I said; then, now and forever. To be frank, I didn’t even know what and why I was saying all those things. All I interpreted was that I was a fool to let go of such a soul mate. It was me, who crossed the verbal limits and I, alone is to be blamed for that, of course besides the situation.

THE DAY BEFORE:

Thank god, it’s the last day of the marriage ceremony of my sister. Not that I didn’t value it. But I’m missing Sharu so much. Being a typical Indian family, I’m not allowed to talk with girls and especially after the mini war I had with my parents over my love connection with Sharu, it had been very difficult for all those wonderful conversations on phone. And with so many relatives around all the time, its hell of a risk to call her now. It may result in permanent restriction of phone calls by my parents. So, I was very happy that its ending today and I’m gonna go back to my home tomorrow and once again hear the sweet voice of my love.

I went to the terrace immediately after reaching home and called her without wasting a second!

“Hey”

“Sorry Ravi, this is not the first time that you’ve been ignoring me for days straight! This can’t go on like this. And why did you call now? You could’ve found some other stale excuse!”

“Sharu, please try to understand my situation. Think from my side too. I didn’t want to lose you permanently just because of one phone call.”

“Oh, so now it’s “just ” a phone call. I thought it was something more than that!”

“Hey, I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s over Ravi, nothing’s left between us after all that had happened”……………….

ONE MONTH LATER:

That’s enough! I can’t wait any more. In the past month, nothing much really happened in my life. Clock of my heart stopped right at the moment of our break up. Don’t know what I’ve been doing all these days. My life was in a pause mode. I can’t take this anymore. I know she will understand me. May be, she too is feeling the voids in her life. May be she is waiting for me to take the initiative. Killing every inch of my ego, I picked up the phone and dialled those 10 digits which are the most important ones of my life. 

“Hi Ravi”. Oh god! How badly I wanted to heard my name, coming out from her lips! Tears just rolled down my eyes.

“Hey, I am sorry, for whatever that happened, whatever that I said. I didn’t mean any of that.” I said with a choking voice.

“You know what! Don’t worry. You still are my best friend.”   Now where did that come from!!! ‘Friend’!

“Glad to know! Hope everything would be fine between us, like before.”

“Ravi, please. Let’s be matured. It’s not going to work anymore. Let’s not ruin the friendship too. And just for the info, I moved on. It’s better for you to do the same.”

There was an awkward silence for half a minute. Silence for her, break down for me!

“Hey, I know you. You won’t do that to me! I know you are saying all these just to avoid me. Please give me one more chance.”

“Why don’t you understand Ravi. I moved on. He’s my senior. Nice and caring person. He doesn’t ignore me and he truly loves me.”

“Good story Sharu. You know I’m not gonna believe that. I know you more than you do. You won’t do that. I know you want to come to my life.”

“Are you crazy? Wake up. I am in a relationship dude. If you don’t believe, ask anyone in my college. We even went to Pondicherry, and we did ‘everything’ a couple does”.

That’s all! My heart sank and my phone got banged on the floor. My eyes flooded and my life got hammered to a cross of despair. My feet trembled and my thoughts got hanged to the rope of nostalgia. 

That was the last time I talked to her. That one last time had so high gravity in it that I couldn’t get back to the land of feelings from that well of infinite darkness. I had no one to blame, but myself.

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NEXT DAY:

I was talking to the only friend left in my life, Bindhu. She was consoling me. With lots of hesitation, she told me

  “Ravi, you know what! Don’t blame yourself. It was all a trap. Sharu has been in a relationship with her senior from over a year. I thought of saying this to you before itself, but I didn’t want to ruin your relation. So, I stayed calm. She was just waiting for a chance to strike. That’s all. You were just a bait, sorry to say that!”

That was not needed for me! May be I was happy with portraying myself as the guilty. May be I can’t accept that my love was false. That fact made me a completely different person! Or may be Bindhu told all these just to console me. May be it was really my fault! Nothing was clear, except the fact that my life and view towards it was never going to be same!