'SECONDS' RELIVED

Every action of ours has a consequence. And that consequence is based on what we did, how we did act, how we did think and what path did we choose for our journey. Destiny gives back everything it ever took from us and takes back everything it gave us. Amidst all this, there is one ultimate reality which cannot be altered however we might neglect it or whatever perception we possess on the world around us. Life of an individual undergoes evolution, by being churned in the vicious circle of all these facts. And my life was no different. The day I met with an accident, was the day that changed my perception towards the world forever and ever. As soon as my car did slide off the cliff, I lost my control on the brain, besides gravity. How much time was I left with? May be 15 seconds! And in those 15 seconds, I understood many things that my 15 year education did not teach me!

  I recollected the lives of 4 persons who were an integral part of my life. 4 different ‘persons’with 4 different mentalities and I am going to introduce them to you all…

5 Year old me:

As earliest as I can remember. We were residing in one of the best colonies and childhood was a fun filled one. Gully cricket, I Spy and many more games used to carry forward our days besides the daily routine of acting out a stomach ache drama so as to escape the tedious activity of attending school. Everything was a cake walk for me.

17 Year old me:

Everything around me started making sense to me. On the alternative days, my mother and father used to sleep on the floor to make enough space for me on the bed. In a locality where people stand for ten hours in front of a shop for the ration, my parents made me feel like we were in a heaven! Sacrifices made by them and struggles taken by them were like a thick carpet spread over on the path of thorns. That was the moment when I decided that struggles would be my back pack from now on and I would never let them down. My vision was clear, I decided that I shall not leave any loose strings in achieving my dream of clearing the civils and I sacrificed my social life entirely from then on.

24 year old me:

Became the first person from my locality to clear the civils and the environment was festive all over the colony. The first thing I wanted to do is to improve (provide!) the basic facilities of my society. But my posting was done in a far away city and that came as the first disappointment to me. I had to bribe a huge amount of 1000k to re-shift my posting to my area. Our family was in huge debts then and I had to take the big risk. I know nothing is more to me than the colony I was brought up in, but not more than my parents’ comfort. They have suffered enough. As soon as my fix up my family problems I would be starting with the development of the colony.

35 year old me:

I became a successful person, responsible son and caring father. Got everything I wanted in my life. Of course drifted off my path a little by taking the bribes and approving the projects. It all started because of my cornered situation where I had to pay off all the debts and I wanted to do that soon. Started taking some low profile harmless bribes. And it continued as my desire to see my parents in a more and more comfortable position increased, until we had a duplex in one of the costliest areas of the state. And then came the responsibilities of being a husband and a father. Needed to secure their lives first and that became my primary goal. This continued as life gave me different challenges in different ages. Then one day, I did read a news on my ex-colony which I swore to develop. A kid died due to infected water, taking the tally of deaths to 13 that month. 13 deaths! That means a huge distress to 13 families! What was I doing! I ruined everything just by not holding on to my responsibility. I hardly slept that night and that’s the last thing I remember.

The colony, it’s problems, lives of it’s residents and their pleas- everything remained the same. What changed was my perception towards the life as I grew up. But does that soothe my conscience and can the reality be altered because of the change in my perception! Of course not. That’s what philosophy of life is about. And such a disappointing life is going to end within few seconds. Wait! It’s been some hours and those 15 seconds are yet to be finished and if the above mentioned thing is the last thing I remember, how the hell did I end up in sliding off a cliff! Then the car hit the ground and I opened my eyes. It’s been a ride of realisation for me. I started walking to my working room to settle the things once and for all, however hard that may be! 
Vivek Reddy

EXAM DIARIES: COLLEGE DIARIES 4

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”
          ~Woody Allen 

“Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.”
        ~Mark Twain 

“Try to fill the glass (each moment) of your life with all the drops of wine (endurance and perseverance) you have because you’ll be left with only two choices- Leave it or Live with it!”
          ~Me


   Well, if you are trying to connect the above quotes with this article, don’t!!! Those are just for the icing on the cake (though your heart will automatically find itself in those, when you feel the work.)

   Exams- The word which we (MANITians) hate the most, but give the utmost importance. Why not! After all, your status quo is decided by the pointers itself (apart from the number of kills you’ve made in Counter Strike). Exams are special, not only because of the obvious reasons, but also because we get a chance to see our campus which we forget to visit, after the Mid-sems! Innovating ideas to cheat in the exams and spending the nights awake to “clear” the exams is a routine! While ‘canteen Raju’ overflows with joy due to increase in customers at midnight, ‘Jyothi and Rang Mehel’ (theatres) dives into the ocean of sadness

  The moment these exams come to an end, entire Bhopal gets enlightened with the buzz of MANITians. Creed of hostellers fill up the ‘Books n Books’ for selling the books for a whooping 70% return; not out of desperation, but out of excitement, feeling like a mini Ambani, “earning” money in a clever way :P. Spending all the money within a day in cinemas and restaurants and feeling bad about not realizing the value of money a day before, became a common practice! And what about the Day scholars?? Well, DB is their new home and planning for gaming and outings for the entire holidays in advance is their routine!

   Every journey begins with a single step; small, but elegant! But our (hostellers’) journey to home begins either with a lengthy queue at “Tatkal counter” or an irritating refresh button at “irctc”. Thus began mine, yet another journey back home with bidding the farewell to my love with a sweet kiss. I carried two suitcases with me, along with the feelings of nostalgia of hostel life, love towards my Maya and deep frustration about SRH losing their den at “Uppal” stadium.

  At the window I sat, staring at the world, which is running at its own pace, swifter than the train and random than the brain! My thoughts began to wander off to the question of destiny- “Why am I doing this? Do I really want this degree of B.tech? Why face these exams, which offer no true education?” We are studying, but when will we get educated! Are we growing up or are we growing apart! If we are the final part of the evolution, why do other animals have the purest form of love, while ours is mixed with cunningness and betrayal! Even as I saw a blend of civilizations in a strip of journey, I couldn’t get these answers. Well, I found my answers at my last stop. Dunno about the other questions, but I found my destiny. A flood of happiness and love, sparkling in the eyes of our parents, that is our destination. As we get down the train and kiss them, the pride that lights up their eyes- that is our destiny!

  Destiny is nothing but the destinations of ours, in the journey of life!

TWILIGHT

“Our lives can't be measured by our final years, of this I am sure.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

“In my old age, I was at last being permitted to make the discovery that lovemaking gets better and better with time, if it's with someone you care for.”
― Patricia Nell Warren

“In later life most good things happen very slowly; only bad things tend to happen fast.”
― Mark Edmundson

______________________________________________

  “Arun calling…” as soon as my phone rang, displaying this message, breath filled my heart once again! It has been 8 long years since my son, Arun left to US, and 6 weeks since he called me. As I informed my wife about the call, she was excited like a small child and tried to snatch the phone away from me. But I didn’t let her. Why would I!! I wanted to hear his voice first!

  “Dad” his voice was stern!

“Hello beta” as I spoke, my eyes filled with tears of happiness. Those tears formed a screen and on it was his face and nothing else. May be he is the only one whom I love so much in the world!

  “Dad, actually I saw you and mom dancing in that TV show. It was so embarrassing when my friends me called and mentioned about it. In this age, why would you do such things, if not to embarrass me! ”

  “But Arun….” Tears rolled down, taking away the sight of my son, but giving me a clear view of my wife, who was standing there, as excited as a small child. That was the moment when I made some important decisions of my life!  “… I understand, but don’t say all these things to maa. She’s too delicate to handle that” I said with a choked voice and handed over the phone to her.

  When do we actually get to live our lives? Childhood gets washed away, either finding the “x” in the algebra or remembering the date of birth of some random guy in history! Teenage is guarded heavily by the parents out of a fear that we may get mis leaded. As we enter the middle age, duties and responsibilities of children and family overshadows the million dollar dreams that we have worked for, in the young age! Finally, when we become free of all the duties, we aren’t still free of the shackles of the orthodox society, even in the twilight of our life!

  Last month was a shocker! I had been facing the usual slaps of life, but that was the biggest! A med test result showed that I have lung cancer and as irony enjoys it’s dominance, I have never had a smoke in my life! That was the moment when I decided that I’ll live the rest of my life (may be a month or a two) to the fullest and no one would be stopping me this time! Well, that didn’t include having a booze or smoking a pot, but I just wanted to give away all the love I was left with, to her!

  We fell in love in our first date and the only thing she wished for, is a dance. I was a kind of introvert and was too shy in dancing in a public place! First thing I wanted to do, before it’s too late, is to fulfil her first wish. But didn’t expect that it will lead to the embarrassment to my son! Who did it actually?? Living a dream turned into a mere shame! Is it the orthodox society? Or the orthodox minds? Whatever it is, I don’t care anymore. I am happy that her eyes smiled, for the first time. We always were with each other, for the entire “play” called life. My role was going to finish. All I was left with was a responsibility. One last responsibility to just make sure that the ‘role’ being played by my wife lives long and doesn’t face any difficulties on stage. And after that phone call, I did leave her in an old age home, told her the truth and left, while she laid crying in the arms of the nun. Not that I don’t want to trouble my two sons and a daughter with the burden of hers. It’s just that I don’t want the twilight of her life being crushed amidst the metro lives and plastic love of my children.

  There laid the last meaningful moments of my life, at the counter of the Old Age home! I joined my bank account with theirs and just asked them one thing- to give my wife one rose and many smiles every day!  That was the last journey of me in the blooming twilight of my life, before I entered the darkness, but with a pride!

~Some Pages in the diary of an old man