ONE LAST TIME.......

“Breaking up is part of life, but we shouldn't let it control it.”
                                             ~Barbara Willington.

Love only lasts as long as you let it. It is a state of mind and a state of being. If you don't have it, break up.
                                          ~Jerry Towers

Moving on after a break up is a great way to get back on your feet and start feeling happy again.
                                           ~Thomas Shields

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NOW:

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“Its over Ravi, nothing’s left between us after all that had happened.”

“But Sharu, I was restricted, nothing was intentional! I love you and how can I prove it?”

“It’s not a science to prove, Ravi. It has to be felt and I’ve lost all my feelings on you.”

“Why the hell are you behaving like this? What have I done now?”

“It’s not about now. It’s about every single time! You don’t really care about me. You call only when you want to meet me. All you want is ‘me’ and not my heart. Am I looking like a pr****** to you? ”

“Yeah!” I replied in frustration and that was the end of the call!

Call duration: 57 minutes.

I regret what I said; then, now and forever. To be frank, I didn’t even know what and why I was saying all those things. All I interpreted was that I was a fool to let go of such a soul mate. It was me, who crossed the verbal limits and I, alone is to be blamed for that, of course besides the situation.

THE DAY BEFORE:

Thank god, it’s the last day of the marriage ceremony of my sister. Not that I didn’t value it. But I’m missing Sharu so much. Being a typical Indian family, I’m not allowed to talk with girls and especially after the mini war I had with my parents over my love connection with Sharu, it had been very difficult for all those wonderful conversations on phone. And with so many relatives around all the time, its hell of a risk to call her now. It may result in permanent restriction of phone calls by my parents. So, I was very happy that its ending today and I’m gonna go back to my home tomorrow and once again hear the sweet voice of my love.

I went to the terrace immediately after reaching home and called her without wasting a second!

“Hey”

“Sorry Ravi, this is not the first time that you’ve been ignoring me for days straight! This can’t go on like this. And why did you call now? You could’ve found some other stale excuse!”

“Sharu, please try to understand my situation. Think from my side too. I didn’t want to lose you permanently just because of one phone call.”

“Oh, so now it’s “just ” a phone call. I thought it was something more than that!”

“Hey, I didn’t mean that.”

“It’s over Ravi, nothing’s left between us after all that had happened”……………….

ONE MONTH LATER:

That’s enough! I can’t wait any more. In the past month, nothing much really happened in my life. Clock of my heart stopped right at the moment of our break up. Don’t know what I’ve been doing all these days. My life was in a pause mode. I can’t take this anymore. I know she will understand me. May be, she too is feeling the voids in her life. May be she is waiting for me to take the initiative. Killing every inch of my ego, I picked up the phone and dialled those 10 digits which are the most important ones of my life. 

“Hi Ravi”. Oh god! How badly I wanted to heard my name, coming out from her lips! Tears just rolled down my eyes.

“Hey, I am sorry, for whatever that happened, whatever that I said. I didn’t mean any of that.” I said with a choking voice.

“You know what! Don’t worry. You still are my best friend.”   Now where did that come from!!! ‘Friend’!

“Glad to know! Hope everything would be fine between us, like before.”

“Ravi, please. Let’s be matured. It’s not going to work anymore. Let’s not ruin the friendship too. And just for the info, I moved on. It’s better for you to do the same.”

There was an awkward silence for half a minute. Silence for her, break down for me!

“Hey, I know you. You won’t do that to me! I know you are saying all these just to avoid me. Please give me one more chance.”

“Why don’t you understand Ravi. I moved on. He’s my senior. Nice and caring person. He doesn’t ignore me and he truly loves me.”

“Good story Sharu. You know I’m not gonna believe that. I know you more than you do. You won’t do that. I know you want to come to my life.”

“Are you crazy? Wake up. I am in a relationship dude. If you don’t believe, ask anyone in my college. We even went to Pondicherry, and we did ‘everything’ a couple does”.

That’s all! My heart sank and my phone got banged on the floor. My eyes flooded and my life got hammered to a cross of despair. My feet trembled and my thoughts got hanged to the rope of nostalgia. 

That was the last time I talked to her. That one last time had so high gravity in it that I couldn’t get back to the land of feelings from that well of infinite darkness. I had no one to blame, but myself.

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NEXT DAY:

I was talking to the only friend left in my life, Bindhu. She was consoling me. With lots of hesitation, she told me

  “Ravi, you know what! Don’t blame yourself. It was all a trap. Sharu has been in a relationship with her senior from over a year. I thought of saying this to you before itself, but I didn’t want to ruin your relation. So, I stayed calm. She was just waiting for a chance to strike. That’s all. You were just a bait, sorry to say that!”

That was not needed for me! May be I was happy with portraying myself as the guilty. May be I can’t accept that my love was false. That fact made me a completely different person! Or may be Bindhu told all these just to console me. May be it was really my fault! Nothing was clear, except the fact that my life and view towards it was never going to be same!

A CAMERA'S TALE OF LOVE

FIRST GUEST POST IN MY BLOG.

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“Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.”

 ~Vincent van Gogh

“I tried to keep both arts alive, but camera won. I found that a camera doesn’t express the soul, while a photograph can”

~Ansel Adams

“When you are younger, the camera is like a friend and you can go places and feel like you're with someone, like you have a companion.”

~Annie Leibovitz

It was not until I was batteried-in and switched on to open my lens that I came to know what the real world looks like. No, for me, unlike most of my fellow beings, they were not the colorful objects, moving bodies which grabbed my attention but that beautiful girl! It was the very first time I saw any human being and it was her! That very moment I knew she is to be my world forever… You humans have perhaps named this very phenomenon as “Love at first sight!” There she smiled and I couldn’t help but click, thanks to my ‘Smile Shutter’ mode which was on then. All surprised by this she went on to explore all my possible settings as her fingers caressed me. To be in her soft hands made me feel more secure and comfortable than being packed in that dark case!

 Our first date was on her school trip to the amusement park. The rate at which she kept clicking was something I couldn’t have imagined of! I tell you, it was one tiring day but all worth it… Not only did I see a swarm of human beings but also got enveloped deep into their happening lives. To see their smiling faces, funny poses, scary expression while on a ride was a new experience and a treat indeed. But most of all I loved clicking her…mahn! She is so beautiful!

I could see my existence giving her a relief even in the boundaries of her room. Be it her pen, that notebook containing most unromantic of chemical equations, every corner of her room, the laptop, the balcony, plants in it, the narrow streets seen from it, the unending skies… she was falling for the beauty of these ordinaries and I, for her!

One fine night she told me how she wishes to go to places all around the world only to click endlessly. I was so overwhelmed, for now I knew she wants to be with me for a lifetime. She kissed me goodnight and went to sleep, with me sitting right by her side…. In the darkness I could not see her but feel her fragrance, her every serene breath… it was a sense of sheer contentment to know that I am one reason for all the happiness she gets by capturing pictures.

Our days were going great together exploring every little place of the town she lived in… through me she had captured her memories of school. Even when carrying me along to her school was only a venture full of risk, she took the chances. That was her last day in school and she clicked every special corner of it and all her dear friends… With memories of many such incidents life moved on and soon she began her new college life! It was there I realized how possessive she could get about me. She never gave me to somebody else’s hands only because of the fear that I might be mishandled! They were such little things which gave me all the little pleasures I needed from my life.

Gradually as she tasted freedom in the new city and explored the place, I could feel we both getting into a matured relationship. Now, it was not a matter of a bunch of random clicks out of which some turned out to be good. But now, together did we feel awestruck at the heights of hills, the depth of lakes, the azure sky, the vastness of the greenery around… at the whole amazing range of awesomeness nature provides to the human beings and their mates, like me! Apart from an almost spiritual experience with the nature, it was fascinating to frame some of very thoughtfully designed buildings. And then yet another part of her life made both of us have fun together: clicks during the bunks, at the canteen, on getting dressed up for a party, while the evening or a morning walk. She perhaps doubted if her own memory would be able to keep so many lively moments to its own record, so wished to preserve every moment through me.

Things were going cool between us, only till one day when I had to capture a few lines written by her:

"To capture the moment, the beauty of moment,
the ecstasy of moment, the rarity of moment;
you saved the moment as a still moment...
But here, now, at this moment you do realize
How unworthy it all is when you lose catch of the real moment..."

Had I been a human, I could have said that I was almost in tears reading this. But I was a camera… a camera of strong spirits and I did understand it was only natural for her, being a human, to face a moment when she would question if my existence in her life was reducing the significance of times spent with fellow human beings or at times, alone in the lap of introspection. 

That feeling with a touch of melancholy was short lived as her behavior with me never changed but only became better. I must take this chance to thank our mutual and dear friend Facebook, who helped a great deal in strengthening our bond at a time when our relation, like any others, could have faced a downfall of emotions. It not only helped her glorify me but also find meaning to all the time spent with me. She now knew that clicking is not something she does just to pass time or simply as a hobby… rather it is something which helps her open pores of creativeness and induces her to come up with an amalgam of her life experiences and my clicks only to express her inner being to the world.

I had learnt a lot from her and loved her even more… But call it the unfair part of destiny that I was never made capable enough to express wholly what I felt for her. If some fine day I get a chance to tell it to her I would do ahead with this…

“I really don’t know why or how but I get pure happiness when I play the role of your picture-clicking device, and be with you or even think about you even when I am switched off… I could say you are my love of life, but girl you are what the whole of my life could ever be! I feel honored when it is me with whom you share your thoughts upon a click.

There is a secret I want to reveal today… every time I am in somebody else’s hands to click a picture solely of you, I skip a heartbeat. I stay awestruck, staring at you…you, a person of extreme beauty, so pure and mild… and it is perhaps this feeling which helps me click the best of your DPs. I just wish this goes on for our forever.

Love you much,

Your Cam <3 “

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AUTHOR: AYUSHI JANGALWA.

To read more from this author, go to
http://the-brimming-brook.blogspot.in/

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