A FINAL NOTE

“Have you ever felt a dagger piercing through your heart when you came to know that the person you love is no more?

Have you ever felt a pulse running down your spine when you no more have the person you hug daily beside you?

And have you ever felt a tear rolling down your eye when the one whom you shared everything with, ended his life not knowing whom to share his pains with?”

“I never felt anything. I was that sort of person who never cared about anyone, except myself... But if I love myself so much, why did I take an insane step? My final note says it all. ”

Thud!! I kicked the stool that supported me in the final moments of my painful life. And there I was hanging from the 20 years old ceiling fan through my neck… Now I’m a spirit. I can do whatever I want. I’m free from the web of my life. I started feeling a bit sad of it as I’m also free from all the challenges, all the relations and all the love. Now I have nothing to do.

My roomies were knocking the door for a long time which now has converted to banging and further went on to breaking the door just to see the most disgraceful sight of their lives. They tried too hard to save me, have given me artificial breathing and yelling for ambulance. They were crying like a mother does for her baby. That was the moment I realized that spirits too have tears. I felt ashamed thinking about the first reason I wrote in my suicide note

“No one in the world cares me, my friends doesn’t even notice my presence sometimes and I’m sure they’ll be glad to find out that I’m no more a part of their lives…..”

I could no longer be at that place and as you’ve seen in many movies, spirits can transport themselves to any place they want and without any hesitation I went to my home, back at Hyderabad. It was late night and I found my parents talking to each other. I thought they might be cursing god for giving a useless boy like me. I was speechless (of course I was lifeless) when I heard my dad telling mom how miserable he felt every time when he scolds me and how much he wished that I lived with them, in my home, instead of hostel and how he longed to hug me and say “I love you”. And I felt like crying when I remembered my note and second reason in it-

“…Even my dad doesn’t love me, I have nowhere to go and no reason to live. How I wished that my dad hugs me and says ‘I love you’, but I’m sure my dad doesn’t feel the same anywhere near…..”

After all these misunderstandings that ruined my life and will ruin the hearts of many when they find out what’s inside my suicide note, in my pocket, I feel like a ghost rather than be spirit. “It’s just because of a simple reason that I unfolded the destiny of life in a wrong way, I’m no longer gifted with the most precious present- my future and my life.”

And at the moment when I heard the headlines of the college radio ‘Our college’s best photographer, Aryan killed himself to loneliness’, I broke out. That was the solution to the final reason of my note.

“…. I’ve failed in my final year and am sure I’m not going to be placed in any company. I’ve no career to make and I’m good at nothing.”

By now, I’ve reached god and started pleading him to give back my life as I’ve found the value of my life and simply declined saying that lakhs of people come to him pleading in the same way but there’s nothing he can do as it’s too late and pushed me away.

And thud, I fell off from my bed. What a dream it was! First thing that I had done is to take out the note from my pocket and tore it off. Life has given me a chance, a second chance to live which everyone can get if they think for two minutes before ending their lives.

“Any way you’re going to give up your lives, so why not spare just another 2 minutes, in peace, to think about the life you lived and life you can live if they choose different path….”